Paper Bag
by Winterbloom
Summary: Ginny Weasley thinks about herself and Harry to the strains of "Paper Bag" by Fiona Apple...yes, it's a song fic, God help me...


**Paper Bag**

### By Winterbloom

A Harry Potter song-fic

to Fiona Apple's _Paper Bag_

_ _

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Yes, I know, the dreaded song-fic.But this song is so much Ginny Weasley that it begged to be done.

So here's to Ginny, the shy Weasley, adoring Harry from afar, spotting a dove of hope in a tree, but realising it was only a paper bag.

Obviously, I don't own Ginny or Harry or any of the Weasleys or anything else vaguely recognisable as part of J.K. Rowling's fabulous Harry Potter series, nor do I own this wonderful Fiona Apple song.

*************__

_ _

_I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star_

# To pray on, or wish on, or something like that

_I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy_

_Whose reality I knew, was hopeless to be had_

Does anyone know who I am?Bill's sister, Charlie's sister, Percy's sister, Fred and George's sister, Ron's sister…. I'm tired of being just someone's sister.I'm not just someone's sister.I'm Ginny.I'm Ginny Weasley, me, my own person, with things I want, people I care about.I'm not just a part of the Weasley collective, not just another strand of red hair on the Weasley head.I'm Ginny.__

## But the dove of hope began its downward slope

_And I believed for a moment that my chances_

_Were approaching to be grabbed_

_But as it came down near, so did a weary tear_

_I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag_

I have my own thoughts, does anyone know that?Does anyone know what I think about in my spare time, what I do when I'm alone?I'm alone a lot now, which is strange in a family as big as mine.I like to paint, I like to read.I like to simply be alone and think.Think about the future, or make things up in my mind as I go, like writing a book in my head.

_Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills_

_'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't want to clean up_

_I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold_

### Hunger hurts, but starving works

_When it costs too much to love_

People tease me a lot about Harry Potter.I guess with reason.When I draw, I draw him.When I think, I think about him.When I see the future, I see it with him.He asked me to the Yule Ball this year, and I thought I would melt through the floor, the way his green eyes glittered when he spoke to me and how his cheeks flushed a little.I can't even remember saying yes, it was like a dream.A sweet dream, one that I replay in my mind over and over again every chance I get.I see it when I watch him on the Quidditch field; I see it when I close my eyes to go to sleep.When I'm thinking about Harry, when I'm with Harry, I'm not just one of the Weasleys, not just someone's sister.I'm someone special.I'm Ginny.Only Ginny.__

_And I went crazy again today,_

_Looking for a strand to climb_

_Looking for a little hope_

_Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,_

### And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope

I thought the Yule Ball would be perfect.The girls in Gryffindor helped make me up, gave me some perfume, worked on my dress robes.They were green, an emerald green, only a little lighter than Harry's.And when I came downstairs, my hair and face all done, he smiled.That smile was for me and me alone.And I felt like my own person, one that someone liked simply because she was who she was.I thought that feeling would last all night.But after a while, when he was so reluctant to dance, wouldn't take my hand after we walked in, his eyes always elsewhere, I knew that this wasn't right anymore.I remember Ron asking Harry how he was doing.Harry told him, "It's a little strange, being here with your sister."__

_I said, "Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel so justified_

_Come on put a little love here in my void," - he said_

_"It's all in your head," and I said, "So's everything" -_

_But he didn't get it- I thought he was a man_

_But he was just a little boy_

I wasn't Ginny anymore.I was just Ron's sister, just a Weasley.I thought I would melt away through the floor, not because I was so happy, but because I was so mortified.I was only Ron's sister.It was weird because he was here with Ron's sister.He could have said my name, could have said that he wanted to go with Hermione or Cho or someone else.But he asked me, and said my name.Once we were there, my name vanished.I became just another red hair on the Weasley head.

_Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills_

_'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't want to clean up_

_I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold_

I left the Ball after that.I was told that he looked for me for a while, and then danced with Hermione.I guess that was what he wanted all along.Why would he want to be stuck there with a Weasley?I don't even want to be a Weasley.I want to be Ginny, just Ginny, my own person on my own terms with my own personality.I don't want to be an extension of Fred and George or of Ron.I'm not.I'm me.Aren't I?

_Hunger hurts, but starving works,_

_When it costs too much to love_

_Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills_

_'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't want to clean up_

### I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold

I don't draw Harry so much anymore.Don't think about him, don't wish I could dance with him or have him smile at me.That hurts too much.I've fallen back into the crowd of Weasleys he sees around the kitchen table when he comes to visit.Just an extension of the family, of the house, of the table.Just an addition to all the Weasleys he knows, another redhead he can count on when he's in trouble.Just another girl he's rescued who adores him for it.I'm not special enough to be his best friend, like Ron.I'm not even special enough to have my own name to him.I'm just Ron's sister.

_Hunger hurts, but starving works,_

### When it costs too much to love.


End file.
